I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
