and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
