Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
