I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
