new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
