I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
