Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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