Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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