Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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