yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
