I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
