Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
