he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
