And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
