I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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