If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
