OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
