had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
