You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
