I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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