I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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