my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
