I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
