Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
