I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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