Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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