thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
