I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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