so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
