after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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