She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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