Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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