I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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