there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
