I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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