You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
