By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
