He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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