I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
