I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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