And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
