i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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