I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
