i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
