I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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