i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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