I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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