Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
