i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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