you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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