gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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