dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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