the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
