I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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