You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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