Kiss
Puke
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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