3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
