Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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